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In a nutshell, boundaries are a set of guidelines or rules that you live by. Boundaries are your point of reference for how you wanted to be treated and how you will treat others. In order to set appropriate boundaries for yourself and others, it is important to know what you will:
Accept
Approve
Allow
It is good to start off with boundaries that you expect of yourself (be kind, what time you wake up, how much exercise you choose to do, what you eat, how you think etc).
There are different types of boundaries with some of them being strict, and others a bit looser.
If you have more rigid boundaries, you might:
keep others at a distance
seem detached, even with intimate partners
have few close relationships
avoid close relationships
If you have more loose or open boundaries, you might:
get too involved with others’ problems
find it difficult to say “no” to others’ requests
overshare personal information with others
seek to please others for fear of rejection
When you have set boundaries they are twofold – they keep you in check with what you will accept and they also let other people know what to expect from you.
Building healthy boundaries — whether you’re at work, at home, or hanging out with friends — hinges on understanding the types of boundaries.
Enjoy some introspection
To successfully introduce and set boundaries, it’s key to understand why they’re each important to you and how they will benefit your emotional well-being. A healthy dose of introspection is great when exploring what is happening to you. Once you know that, you are a step closer to better boundaries.
Start small
If you don’t have many boundaries in place already, the prospect of introducing more might seem overwhelming — so build them up slowly. Doing so allows you to take things at a more comfortable pace, and it provides time to reflect on whether it’s heading in the right direction or if you need to make some tweaks.
Begin them early
It can be really hard to start putting boundaries in with people, especially in pre-existing relationships. But if you can do this as soon as possible, it is a lot easier. By setting boundaries and expectations from the very beginning, everyone knows where they stand, and feelings of hurt, confusion, and frustration can be lessened.
Be consistent
Be consistently consistent. Letting boundaries slide can lead to confusion and encourage new expectations and demands among those around you. Keep things consistent and steady. This helps to reinforce your original thresholds and beliefs, it ensures those lines remain clearly established and others wont be confused.
Adapt Accordingly
You may want to set boundary frameworks in a few different areas of your life. For example, you may want to carve out an hour to yourself every weekend, regardless of the circumstances. You may want to commit to meditation every single morning at 5am. You may not want to take phone calls after 8pm. It is good to have a few basic boundaries which can be adapted accordingly.
Adjust as required
In some aspects of our lives, there are boundaries already in place — such as in the workplace. But consider these the minimum. Colleagues will likely have some of their own in place, and it’s okay for you to add some too. By adding more boundaries at work, you may also feel more empowered.
Chat, talk and natter
Communication is critical in the world of boundaries, especially if someone consistently oversteps yours. While you might need to raise your concerns, these discussions need not be confrontational. It’s all in how you dress the salad.
Show a bit of self love
For boundaries to have a strong foundation, you need to show yourself a bit of love. You need to know that you deserve a seat at the table and you are worthy of love and being treated well. If you are telling yourself the opposite of this, you are going to find it difficult to set healthy boundaries. Doing things you love that bring you joy will help to bring about safety around setting healthy boundaries. Others have boundaries too
In addition to setting your own boundaries, it’s important to appreciate that others have boundaries too. These may be different to your own. So, what can you do?
Well, it’s not rocket surgery! If your mate hates it when you are always late, try to get there on time. If your friend is opposed to social media, don’t post pictures of you two together on those sites. If your partner doesn’t drink alcohol, don’t keep pestering them to have a drink with you. Use your common sense and think before you act.
To sum it up…
Don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries. They’re essentially a form of self-care, and we actively look to incorporate other elements of this into our lives daily — from eating a balanced diet to exercising. This is no different!
It might take some time and consideration to decipher the boundaries most important to you and the best ways to implement them, but your mental well-being will appreciate the effort in the long run.
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